Is This really Me?
What You’ve Chosen vs. What You’ve Inherited
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself: How much of my life is truly my own?
From the way we think to the careers we pursue, the relationships we build, and the beliefs we hold, much of who we are has been shaped by external influences—our families, cultures, societal expectations, and past experiences. But how much of what we do, say, and believe is a conscious choice? And how much have we simply inherited without questioning?
If you’ve ever felt stuck, disconnected, or unsure of whether you’re living the life that truly aligns with who you are, you’re not alone. The journey toward self-awareness begins with examining which aspects of your life you’ve actively chosen—and which ones have been handed to you by default.
Let’s explore how to untangle these influences and reclaim ownership over who you truly are.
The Inherited Aspects of Your Life
Many of our core beliefs, habits, and life decisions were not made by us—they were shaped by the world we grew up in. These inherited aspects often include:
1. Your Beliefs About Yourself
From a young age, we absorb messages about our worth, capabilities, and identity. If you were praised for being smart, you might believe your intelligence is your most valuable trait. If you were criticized for being emotional, you might have learned to suppress your feelings.
Ask yourself:
What beliefs about myself come from childhood experiences?
Do I truly believe these things, or were they given to me by others?
2. Your Cultural and Societal Conditioning
Society has powerful expectations about how we should live—what success looks like, how relationships should function, and even how we should express emotions.
Ask yourself:
Have I chosen my career, or did I follow a path that was expected of me?
Do I define success in a way that feels true to me, or is it shaped by societal norms?
3. Your Family’s Patterns and Expectations
Whether it’s how you handle conflict, show love, or approach money, much of your behavior may be a reflection of your upbringing. Sometimes, we unconsciously repeat family patterns—even the unhealthy ones.
Ask yourself:
Do I handle emotions and relationships the way I truly want to, or the way I was taught?
Have I taken on roles in my family that I didn’t consciously choose?
4. Your Fears and Limitations
Many of our fears don’t actually belong to us. They’ve been passed down—warnings from parents, societal fears, or personal experiences that created limiting beliefs.
Ask yourself:
What am I afraid of, and where did that fear come from?
Is this fear based on reality, or is it something I inherited from others?
The Aspects of Life You Can Choose
While inherited influences shape us, we are not bound by them. At any moment, we can step back and make conscious choices about who we want to be.
1. Your Mindset and Beliefs
You can challenge limiting beliefs, rewrite your inner narrative, and choose empowering thoughts that align with your true values.
Practice: When you notice a negative thought, ask, “Is this thought mine, or did I inherit it?” Then choose a new one that serves you better.
2. Your Relationships and Boundaries
Not every inherited relationship dynamic needs to be maintained. You have the power to set boundaries, redefine connections, and choose relationships that uplift you.
Practice: Ask yourself, “Do the people in my life reflect the person I want to be?” If not, start making shifts—however small—to align with healthier connections.
3. Your Career and Passions
Maybe you followed a career path because it was safe or expected. But what do you truly want to do? It’s never too late to pivot, experiment, or integrate more passion into your life.
Practice: Spend time exploring activities that spark genuine joy. Even small steps toward personal fulfillment can create a ripple effect in your overall happiness.
4. How You Define Success and Happiness
Your definition of success does not have to be the one you inherited. Some people thrive in high-powered careers; others find joy in a simple, peaceful life. Neither is wrong—it’s just about finding what’s right for you.
Practice: Write down your own definition of success without using societal benchmarks. What does a fulfilling life look like to you?
Reclaiming Yourself: How to Start Choosing Consciously
Pause and Reflect – Take a step back from autopilot living. Ask: Does this truly align with who I am, or is this just what I’ve been told to believe?
Challenge Old Patterns – Notice patterns that no longer serve you. Just because something has “always been this way” doesn’t mean it must continue.
Make Small but Meaningful Shifts – You don’t have to change everything overnight. Start by making small, intentional choices in areas where you feel misaligned.
Surround Yourself with Support – Growth is easier when you have people who encourage your journey. Seek out relationships, books, and experiences that help you align with your true self.
Give Yourself Permission to Change – You are allowed to evolve. You are allowed to let go of old beliefs, relationships, or expectations that no longer serve you.
Are You Living Your Life—or Someone Else’s?
At the core of personal freedom is the ability to distinguish between what you inherited and what you truly choose.
Are you living a life that feels like yours?
What would you do differently if you weren’t afraid of disappointing others?
Who would you be if you let go of everything that wasn’t truly you?
The moment you start choosing intentionally—instead of following inherited patterns—you begin to create a life that feels authentic, fulfilling, and truly your own.
Ready to step into the life that’s meant for you? Let’s explore the patterns, beliefs, and choices that are shaping your world—so you can create one that aligns with who you really are. Contact me today or book a session to start your journey.
Written By: Crystin Nichols MS, RMFTI
